You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
