and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
