Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
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