Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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