You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Come on in and take your pants off
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