the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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