If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
