There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Come on in and take your pants off
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