I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
