On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
