Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
