When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
