Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
