So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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