can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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