I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
