She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My life is pants optional.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
