Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
