I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
