i wish my penis had a tongue
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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