im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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