I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
honey bunches of taint.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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