i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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