Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
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