I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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