Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Randomize
