that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
