Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
