gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
