yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
