hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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