He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
