im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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