also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Fuck appropriateness.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
