Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
