2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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