Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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