I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
