I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
