well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
This is classic penis vs brain.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
