Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's rum buckets o'clock
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
