She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
