When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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