she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
