this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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