yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
