I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Houston, we have a blender
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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