I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
