I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
this hospital has no fireball
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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