Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just threw up on my dentist
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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