Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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