So drunk, too bad you don't want this
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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