69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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