Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
