I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
