weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
