saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
